The Fried Ice Cream Laughter Manufacturing Company

There are two kinds of people in the world, children and adults.  That’s it, end of taxonomy. 

What’s cool is that the one (yes, one!) defining difference between these two categories presented itself to me today, as clear as the summer sky.  Here it is, when children see playground equipment; jungle gyms, swings, ripcords and the like, they see fun and play and adventure.

When an adult sees the same equipment they see massive head trauma, insurance claims, and wheelchairs.

I hate to say it, but when I have kids of my own someday they will wear helmets during every waking moment.*  The helmets will have ear mics like in the NFL so at least I’ll be able to call the plays in to them without worrying about Bill Belichick stealing them.

When I’m on the couch and they are outside riding their bikes I’ll be like “Hey Jack (theoretical name for theoretical kid), go help your mom bring in the groceries, on 3!”

And he will totally execute that play because my children will study the playbook of life!  They will have discipline, and they will wear helmets.  The Patriots won’t know what hit ‘em.

* If they sleep on the top bunk they will wear the helmet 24 hours a day, naturally.  Because I care about safety.